Kim Will Kill Photographer After Spec Forces Pic Captures Humiliating Details

While the world watched North Korea celebrate the birthday of the founder of the rogue communist regime, many media outlets took notice of the unveiling of what are believed to be new medium-to-long-range missiles, but something else was also unveiled that gained far less notice.

The Yonhap News Agency reported on the appearance of a new special operations unit during the military parade, likely intended as a display of strength meant to dissuade President Donald Trump from taking any sort of military action against the nuclear-ambitious commies.

“Once Supreme Commander Kim Jong Un issues an order, they will charge with resolve to thrust a sword through the enemy’s heart like lightning over Mt. Paektu,” proclaimed the proud parade broadcast announcer while referencing the Korean peninsula’s tallest peak.

But while the few media outlets that took note of the unveiling, like the U.K. Daily Mail, keyed in on the at-first-glance fearsome appearance of the special operations unit, Conservative Tribune’s own in-house military experts — one of whom is a former special operator — noticed a few rather humiliating details that the supreme Shortround probably won’t be too happy about.

For starters, much of the equipment the “highly trained” soldiers was toting were outdated designs left over from the Soviet era, such as the dual-lens night-vision goggles that destroy depth perception or the North Korean-produced AK-74 knockoff rifles that have terrible ballistics and are inferior to just about anything U.S. troops are using.

On top of that, or should I say mounted underneath the rifles (tied on with paracord no less), are special tubular magazines produced by the North Koreans known as helical magazines, according to Ares Armament Research Services (which have been misidentified by many outlets as grenade launchers).

The high-capacity magazines, originally produced solely for Kim’s personal contingent of bodyguards, are all but worthless in a real fight as they are extremely difficult to reload — particularly under the stress of combat — and are notorious for jamming repeatedly.

The next humiliating detail is the fact that the special operations soldiers appear to be equipped with chest-mounted holstered sidearms that appear to be more than 40 years old, most likely CZ 75 semi-automatic pistols produced in then-Soviet-dominated Czechoslovakia.

Those holstered pistols were attached to tactical vests in a copycat variation of the U.S. Army’s light-green digital-style camouflage, which don’t match the woodland camo-style uniforms the troops were wearing, which also didn’t match the apparently hastily spray-painted helmets, nor the hilariously misapplied Party City-style black and green face paint worn by the soldiers.

Add in some cheap knock-off Ray-Ban-type sunglasses — which will keep little more than sun out of their eyes and will utterly fail under the slightest ballistics test — to complete the would-be special operator look, and, voila, North Korea can proudly claim it is ready to oppose a decapitating strike against their leadership by the real special operators of the U.S. military, which has been steadily training for just such an opportunity and is truly equipped for such a task.

All told, for roughly $1,600, pretty much anybody can acquire virtually all of the same or similar equipment worn by these goose-stepping North Korean troops. In fact, it is a fairly safe bet that there are plenty of fat, lazy, out-of-shape American mall ninjas better equipped to actually engage in battle than those who were on display in the North Korean military parade.

As a final note, it was also pointed out that these high-stepping soldiers were all at times pointing their rifles at the heads of the men standing next to them, although given the aforementioned accuracy and jamming problems with the rifles and magazines, that probably wasn’t as big a safety issue as it might be for others.

Kim Jong Un most likely was looking to intimidate President Trump into leaving him alone to continue developing nuclear missiles, but he instead has only served to humiliate himself, his military and his isolated nation by parading around a purported special operations unit that could have been mostly outfitted online via eBay, Amazon and the Cheaper Than Dirt catalog.

H/T The Daily Caller

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